My ex-boyfriend once told me a story of one of his colleagues who got married and, as a newly wed, always stayed late at mass with the rest of the guys instead of dashing home right after work and relishing in the after marriage honeymoon. So one day at mass, curious, the guys asked him why the hell he chose to stay at mass instead of returning home and savouring as much of the honeymoon as possible. His reply was that he was conditioning his wife to being used to him not scurrying right home once the knock-off bell goes. If not, she would always expect him to walk through the front door half an hour after 6 and would probably throw a hissy fit if he walked in 2 hours later than usual.

When I was first told this tale, I said nothing. Because my ex-boyfriend seemed to fervently agree with that practice and, well, what he believed was law. It would have been absolutely ineffectual and unwise for me to try and bring my point of view across, so I saved myself the effort and kept my blood at 36degrees.

I would never marry a guy who would try and condition me. What is this? A game? Am I a puppy you're trying to potty train? Ridiculous. If you don't want your other half to be too used to a certain way of living, talk to them about it. That's why God gave you a voice. You guys are married for crying out loud. If you can't talk to each other and understand each other, then you shldn't have gotten married in the first place. And if your marriage is built on a series of games and codes of behaviour, you're better off marrying a PS3. And for the closest intimate experience to meet your libido, you could always buy one of those big ass heaters and sandwich yourself between 2 slabs of fresh meat.

You may disagree, but that's my point of view. If marriage's a game, then there's nothing else left that's honest and pure, except for parental love.