I'm home! Well, I've been home for a while now. Not that I haven't had the time, but mayb I just don't think blogging is as important as True Blood or Flash Forward or re-watching episodes from Greys. Haha! Ok. I just sound sad now. That's not all I've been busying myself with. For the record, I lost my voice 5 days into being back. All the yapping and running around took its toll. My uncle passed away too, since I came back, so there was the wake. More on that another day, mayb never.

I'll be starting work tmr. I decided on smth less professional, with lower commitments, so no, no 9 to 5, or in my case 9 to whatever God forsaken hour. Just a short stint and a little pocket moneyy! Most importantly, pocket money for Jan's Bangkok getaway!

Good times ahead, please. Thank u! And no more fretting over matters of minuscule importance.

Tonight, we went to this really awesome corner in Port Melbourne for a mini celebration. It looked really nice, old and rustic on the outside, but clearly modern with its lit headboards (or whatever u call that thing that goes over the entrances of places bearing the name of the place) and elaborate looking cctv devices.

I thought the entrance was a tad narrow though. And what made it harder to enter was the 2 bouncers guarding it. But they were very friendly for bouncers, and very gentlemanly as well. Anyway, a few steps in, pass the lounge area, we met with the waitress who took us to our seats.

The dining area could probably only seat abt 40 people max? But it wasn't too crowded tonight so they gave us bigger cushion seats. I thought the waiting staff were all very friendly, and not the extremely makes-you-uncomfortable kind of friendly, but the just nice, I-wanna-make-sure-everything's-great-for-u kinda friendly. And not just saying it, but actually meaning it.

So we started off picking our drinks for the evening. Ys had the shiraz the waiter recommended and I took a chance with their strawberry mojito. Shiraz was good, strawberry mojito was quite a disappointment, but I wasn't gonna make a fuss over it. Probably not drink it as much or smth, but one of the waitresses, who came over to pour us more water, asked if the mojito was good so I just gave my honest opinion and said it wasn't really and she got it corrected for me! :) And she was happy to do it, u can tell. Ace for service!

Anyway, for mains we ordered their steak special and maple glazed stacked pumpkin, and a side of green onion mesh to share. We waited quite awhile, and there were some diners, who came after us, who got their food before we did. But whatever unhappiness faded the moment our food arrived and we had our first bite. I had the pumpkin mainly (we were suppose to share, but yea..), and it was so so good! It was, like I said, maple glazed pumpkin chunks mixed with pumpkin mash and bits of corn, topped with spinach, tomato then a lightly grilled layer of feta cheese. Rocket greens and pine nuts on the side (was actually stacked on top of everything). Inner realm (haha, I cannot find more appropriate words) of the plate was lined with this chocolate looking sauce, but it wasn't chocolate. It was actually a little sour. Anyway, it was really awesome pumpkin! So far, we haven't gone wrong ordering pumpkin at restaurants. Last time we went to Rockpool, the pumpkin there was fantastic too. The steak Ys had was also great! I thought it was better than the one at Rockpool, and 5 times cheaper. Mayb I just don't know how to appreciate aged, strangely marinated beef, but I thought the steak here was much better.

After our mains, we order their Death by Chocolate brownie with cream and raspberry coulis for dessert. And I cannot say this more, but it was so good too! Firstly, the presentation was absolutely adorable! I managed to sneak a picture of it. Oh by the way, I thought it was quite a pity that I forgot my camera and far worse when I saw how pretty the food all looked (that's why I don't have pictures for this post), but inbetween our main and dessert, I imagined how it must look if I fished out my camera and constantly snapped away. A BIT not very cool ya. Practically juvenile. Anyway, picture of Death by Chocolate!

Not very stunning, taken with my phone, but Haha! Dead Dessert! Anyway, Brownie was moist, chocolate sauce in little espresso cup was warm, cream was cool, and the raspberry coulis, omg, the raspberry coulis, was heavenly. It balanced the creaminess and the chocolate out very nicely. I wld have licked the plate if I weren't in public. Heh heh heh! :P

The band at the lounge area was quite good as well. They were quite country, not my first pick for genre, but they were very nice to listen to especially since I haven't been going out to watch live bands in AGES (or just going out for that matter). Sigh. But yes, tonight was a good night. Highlight of the month, possibly even in the last 2. Since I've been trapped in the hell of peak period for what seems to be like forever, and I don't exactly receive an abundance of invitations to join the party . . . (haha)

2 more to go. 2 more to go.

Ys just let me watch this video on youtube. I wonder when the Singaporean media will desist from playing up bimbotic representations of Singaporean women. Have we become such capitalists, unreasonably devoted givers of entertainment, slaves for pop culture, that we've forgotten the importance of representation in media? I believe that not all the girls in that video have hollow skulls, but why is it that they're constantly being portrayed that way? Sigh. Makes me sad.

Anyway, I'm almost outta gas at this point in the semester. :( Been feeling mildly under the weather for more than a week now, probably closer to 2, but I have to persevere. 3 more major ones to drop before it's all over, 1 of them being on Monday. Usually, I get quite frantic less 5 days to deadline, but I'm surprisingly lighthearted. In fact, so lighthearted that I've barely touched the prerequisite readings for the essay. Sigh. It's on photography, and I should be eager to bury my head in them, but it's so hard to just stare at your computer screen and read. Read like there's no tmr. Sigh. This incessant flow of work is just so tiresome.

On another note, after submitting my essay on Tuesday morning, I decided I should reward myself with a jaunt around Valley Girl and a walk in the park since the weather was just perfect that day. So I showered, got dressed, and headed out, albeit without sleep the whole night through, but happy as a button to step outta the house and do smth if not enjoy the sunlight. After dropping by uni and my planned trip to Valley Girl, I came back home to drag the log out of bed and to the park. Wasn't gonna allow him to sleep his day away when it was just awesome outside.

So to the park we went! I call it Exhibition Park because it's along Exhibition, but apparently, it's called Carlton Gardens. Hmmm, well, what it's called doesn't matter.

I love the place. It's got this massive fountain slightly deeper into the park that's untouched by shade, so when the water comes on and reflects the sun rays it looks absolutely magical! :) We were just wondering why the pool beneath it had reddish water. Guessing it was oxide. Oh and Ys feels shudder-ish when he sees that Victorian looking building beside the fountain  cos that's where he sits for his papers. Poor boy. So we settled along the banks of the nearby pond.

Being out and about in the sun made me feel a lot better. My signus went away, I felt happier, wide-eyed. But, HUGESIGH, I'm back to being stuck in my little claustrophobic room again, for the next I don't knw how long. If I'm not here, u'll find me in the radio dungeons in uni editing my life into a radio drama. Speaking of which, this radio drama's my brainchild so I'm gonna be working pretty hard on it.

Cannot wait to finish. But for now, omg, it's 5am, and I'm still at my first set of readings!

Dinner at a French restaurant a couple of weeks back. Was rather disappointed, but he was really sweet to have arranged it. And yes, I'm a huge ass sucker for big red succulent roses.

I really have no business being awake at this hour much less blogging. But I need to fulfill the intense needs of the slacker in me. I'm 600 words into my 2.5k word essay, and I'm barely into bringing my point across. I'm massively longwinded, I know. I actually decided to retire abt an hour ago, and mayb surf a bit of web, abt 15 minutes or so, before slipping into bed. But nooo, I had to start browsing pictures. Tidying some virtual folders. I'm trying to slack as much as I possibly can before I get so sleepy I concuss on my laptop, cos I know tmr's gonna see none of that. None of me luxuriously spending time on unproductive things. Like now, typing tautologously. The same thing, over and over again in different ways. See!

I have a feeling I may have only made sense to myself there.

Anyway, I cannot express how excited I am abt submitting all my assignments. No more pressuring myself on doing well. Just an abundance of play.

There's the stand-up I HAVE to go for, Dolly Diamond at The Butterfly Club. Michael Jackson's This Is It, movie premiere. Time Traveler's Wife, opening on the 5th of Nov. Shoppingggg! So many other things. Need to refer to travel guide.

This feeling, that which I'm expressing, or rather, incapable of, is a feeling that is now unfamiliar, after a prolonged duration of conscious elusion, but is leaking back into that hollow muscular organ... what's it called again?

I'm extremely ambivalent towards it, and so will my actions in steering where it will all eventually lead. Maybe I'm more incongruous than I thought.

For a first time in the longest time, I fear. And this fear, it's pernicious and impossible to ignore. Far worse, I doubt it's curable.

With great feeling, comes great risk. And unfortunately for me, with great risk, comes great fear. And this fear might just reverse the whole process. They say you will find a reason to never have to fear again, but what do they know. Possibility is probable, however impossible its probability may seem.

I'm having one of the worst sore throats I've ever had in my entire 21 years and however many months and days. It doesn't bug if I don't swallow or try any fancy deep breath taking, but besides that, it feels like my tonsil got replaced by a huge metal coppery tasting ball, and it's making it difficult for anything to go pass it. Like anaphylactic, yes, but at least that goes away with a pill and some rest. I've been feeling like a copper ball for the last 2 days.

I cannot fall sick I cannot fall sick I cannot fall sick.

I have 8 deadlines in the next month. I cannot fall sick. If it takes an injection or constant popping of meds, I'll do it. As long as I do not fall sick.

Anyway, for the purpose of work, I dragged Dine along with me to an Arts studio tucked in a quiet little corner of Albert Park to watch one of the installments of Velvet Cabaret and Comedy Nights, which was part of the Fringe Festival. It's quite sad that no more than about 10 ppl turned up because it was really quite a nifty setup and the acts were all really good. Some of them were rather, esoteric and I wouldn't for a moment pretend to understand or try and decipher their meaning, but I enjoyed their effort in the manner I could. By giving them my full attention and make every attempt in trying to SQUIRREL ... to, erm, what was I saying again?

Ok, not very funny. I'm still not over Dug from Up. He animationanimalsifies love.

We took some pictures. Too lazy and ill and tired to dig for them through my folders. It requires so much, clicking. I think I use lesser muscles to roll over into my bed. NOW.

2 things I absolutely abhor abt my academic life.

1) When I tell ppl I go to RMIT. For ur very kind information, I was offered positions in all 3 Unis here in Melbourne. Meaning RMIT, Monash & Uni Melb. If u, with some warped perception, think that I entered RMIT because it was my only choice, u're bloody WRONG. Instead of chosing to write essays and sit for exams for the rest of my uni life, I chose a course that would give me a good mix of everything. A uni that would prep me well for my entering into the work force in the related industry. Plus, there's a very strict criteria to enter RMIT Communication and Design courses and they have a ballpark average of thousands of applicants each year, and only a couple of hundreds get picked. So try getting accepted into RMIT Comms in Melbourne and try being a consistent HD student before you give me that cringed up look and sound mildly disgusted when u hear RMIT!!

2) When my friends comment that I'm only doing so well now because I've taken all the modules in Poly before. Excuse me, do u know how different it is here compared to Poly? Besides, the only unit that's pretty much the same as what I took in Poly is Radio and I don't take 4 units of Radio ya.

Sigh. Right. All off my chest now.

Caption: I swear I'm study.

Life is good. For now. Mayb becos I just had a really awesome coffee session with Cheryl. I don't know why we don't meet up often, but I really think we should.

So I found out via an ex-colleague's tweet that Neil Gaiman's going to Singapore for the writer's festival on the 31st Oct and 1st Nov, but I'm not gonna b around then. Yes, I'm cussing under my breath. But thank God for good people, my ex-colleague offered to help me get a book signed if he's gonna go. :) May not be as awesome as being there personally, breathing the same air Neil Gaiman's breathing, but it's better than nth. And awesome to know that I have good friends who share the same interest. :)

5 more weeks until I'm done with this semester. Time really flies. It's like, I looked down to check my outfit and the semester just whisked by in a speedy gust of wind. So many things to do everyday, but it feels like I'm not doing anything significant any day. And now, I gotta head out to Kairos to facilitate Dine's hair cut. :D Hopefully will get some readings done when we head to the library after.

My ex-boyfriend once told me a story of one of his colleagues who got married and, as a newly wed, always stayed late at mass with the rest of the guys instead of dashing home right after work and relishing in the after marriage honeymoon. So one day at mass, curious, the guys asked him why the hell he chose to stay at mass instead of returning home and savouring as much of the honeymoon as possible. His reply was that he was conditioning his wife to being used to him not scurrying right home once the knock-off bell goes. If not, she would always expect him to walk through the front door half an hour after 6 and would probably throw a hissy fit if he walked in 2 hours later than usual.

When I was first told this tale, I said nothing. Because my ex-boyfriend seemed to fervently agree with that practice and, well, what he believed was law. It would have been absolutely ineffectual and unwise for me to try and bring my point of view across, so I saved myself the effort and kept my blood at 36degrees.

I would never marry a guy who would try and condition me. What is this? A game? Am I a puppy you're trying to potty train? Ridiculous. If you don't want your other half to be too used to a certain way of living, talk to them about it. That's why God gave you a voice. You guys are married for crying out loud. If you can't talk to each other and understand each other, then you shldn't have gotten married in the first place. And if your marriage is built on a series of games and codes of behaviour, you're better off marrying a PS3. And for the closest intimate experience to meet your libido, you could always buy one of those big ass heaters and sandwich yourself between 2 slabs of fresh meat.

You may disagree, but that's my point of view. If marriage's a game, then there's nothing else left that's honest and pure, except for parental love.

This is us, hangin' at the livin'. Doin' the thin' we do at 4 in the mornin'. Which is actually suppose to be working on assignments and meeting deadlines. Instead, Dine made herself a bowl of leftovers and I was getting reading to go on Skype & go to sleep.

We have such unwavering attention spans, we shld be awarded for our sheer will to focus. To focus on everything but work that is.

If we go on like this for the rest of the semester, the 30th of Oct will be the day of our death. Or mine at least. Dine's shld be earlier seeing how she's got an essay due on the 21st and another on the 28th this month.

Uni staff are on strike again, so that means no classes for me today. BUT, my Sex & Gender lecturer/tutor decided to shift today's lecture and tute, and spread it over the next 2 days. The next 2 days which are (now were) 2 of my 3 no uni weekdays!! So much for that. Pfft.

So I'm sitting here, having only just woken up less than an hour ago, staring at my big box orange tictac, contemplating if I should finish Gossip Girl and the tictac. As I contemplate, the tictacs are depleting. Oh well, GG and tictacs it is.

But just before I exposee my windows and treat myself to GG&TT paradise... Yesterday, I almost got pick-bagged (bag version of pocket) with my rent in my wallet. Full-on sets of 50 dollar notes, 900AUD worth of it. Good thing I've always had an Aunty streak in me. Once I felt like my bag was being tugged, I swung it from the side-closer-to-back to right-bloody-in-front, and kept it there. First thing I did was to check and make sure my wallet was where it's suppose to be, before I threw a glare at the bitch. The bitch who was being, well a bitch, and was pretending to look around like nothing happened. She had a jacket over the crummy hand that she intended to stick into my bag. I kept my bag in the front of my body the whole way back.

Call me Aunty but I would trade looking stylish for my belongs any second of the day.

Can you really forgive if you can't forget? But how do you forget? How do you forget about the betrayal that destroyed the friendship? How do you forget the lies that landed you in muck? How do you forget the hurt that made you lose 10kg?

Now, I think when we say 'forget', we have to exam what exactly 'forget' constitutes. Does 'forget' mean literally forgetting? To practice selective amnesia and actually erase from your memory that which requires forgiveness? Or are we saying 'forget', as in, to allow/make/condition a life-changing something become a matter that isn't worthwhile remembering? To ignore it. Or are we saying 'forget', as in, let so much time go by that even the biggest disappointment and the most life altering event seem too far away to matter?

Whoever came up with the saying of 'forgive and forget' should be more specific under what circumstances it can be applied to. Sure I'll forgive someone who spilt coffee on my shirt, and I'd probably forget it in a day or 2. I'll forgive someone who stepped on my foot in the club, and I might just forget about it 3 wines later. But to forgive and forget someone or something who broke your heart into more pieces than it can be broken might be quite the challenge.

Well, I guess if you're magnanimous enough, you could just forgive that person. Have no hard feelings whatsoever. So with forgiving do you forget as well? Is it like a domino effect?

Maybe that's why the saying is in the sequence 1) forgive, then 2) forget. It doesn't specify when exactly you're suppose to forget. You could forgive (if you're really that big-hearted), and the 'forget' chapter might only come a few chapters behind. Or at the very last one that inscribes the last days of your life.

So the next time some smart alec tries to debate you on how you can't forgive if you don't forget, highlight to them the sequence of the idiom and it's unspecified timeline. Lets see what else they'll have to say.

And here I am, in Melbourne Australia, going on roadtrips and far off places, feeling all smug when I think about my poor darlings stuck on tiny little Singapore (and some dying to get off it) where one end meets the other in a brief 45min drive. I shld be punished for scoffing in the dark.

Because compared to someone living in Geneva with her caucasian husband whose mum has a to-die-for garden. And taking roadtrips in Italy. Flying to London occasionally, and enjoying sights of yards of grass as far as the eye can reach. Not to mention, having the option of settling down in any random cosy little cafe that has windows laced with potted flowers, and bask under the candescent sunrays with the light cool breeze brushing through her hair whilst drinking hot coffee without worrying about sweating like a pig after. Ok, wait, I could do the coffee bit, but everything else ... Le sigh. The life. And the mysterious 'she' featured here happens to be one of my friends/acquaintances from back in poly. No, it wasn't a shotgun. Contrary to common belief, young people are actually capable of commitment.

This is a classic case of 'the grass is always greener on a mountain a thousand miles away'. I wanna tour London too. And Italy. And France. And China. And Japan. And the States. And Korea. And Venice. And Rome. And New Zealand. And and and and!!! One shld practice the art of being satisfied with what one has, or in this case, with where one is.

To make up for my lacking travel experiences, I shall make a date with Salvador Dali next weekend and pretend that I'm moseying through the aisles of the Dali museum in Spain. Imagination will have to do for now.

The mid semester break isn't exactly suppose to be a break. It's the school's way of torturing you. They hurl a thousand and one assignments at you, then say, oh yea, and here's a 1 week leave from classes. So what do they actually really expect you to do in this one week? Not rest. No. No such thing. You're students. Rest and relaxation shld never appear in your schedule, like, ever. The idea of the 'one week break' is there to con you into thinking that the school cares for your well-being.

But I don't know why I'm complaining. I have nth to do this week. This week which is my 1 week break. I cld do forward log readings. Work on my oral presentation which is 3 or 4 weeks away. Start thinking about my essays and my impending radio packages. I cld. But I'm not. Which is probably not the best move. Mid semester was not this relaxing last semester. It shldn't be this semester. Doing forward log work is healthy for you, Val. Evenly spread-out work is goooood (chants).

So anyway, I kicked off my 1 week break by not going for most of my classes last week. Ha! And I expect to get myself 4 HDs this semester. GOOD LUCK, ALTER EGO. Aaaanyway, it all started with not going for classes and heading off on a 2 day roadtrip along the Great Ocean Road with Sfee, JT and Mani. As I've mentioned. Yes, I got back alive. Thankfully. And it was quite a blast! :) Many thanks to Sfee for organising the whole thing and all for the wonderful company. I had the most amazing high, which I didn't really get to exploit to my full advantage, but lets not get all angsty about it. Good things will come eventually! :)

I guess it's time I do some work to ease my load when semester starts again. Some shots from the roadtrip to go! 

Embarking on a mini roadtrip with sfee, sfee's Singaporean friend (that I'm not acquainted with), and Mani (newly made friend from sex & gender class) this coming Sunday. Mini roadtrip = 1 night. And we are apparently going to attempt the feat of drinking through the night and drive the next day on no amount of sleep whatsoever... If I die, Mum, Dad, please know that you guys are my world. :/

TOUCH WOOD! CHOY! No such misfortune will befall me or my friends!

I'm actually growing a trifle worried now. Gonna pray before the trip. And getting everyone to do the same.

So I'm still leading my days/nights of vampirism. Of snoozing through the day and staying awake at night. I try to get up when there's sun. I really do. I went for my 4.30 class on Tuesday, and attended all my classes today.

Speaking of today, after class sfee and I had dinner with or new friend, Mani. We've known him for about a month now but we both thought he was the kind that fell into the 'fun to hang out with', 'strangely comfortable to be around', 'weirdly but not overwhelmingly friendly' type of category. If you get my drift. So we thought, why not ask him along for the roadtrip. Since we only had 3 people including ourselves, and he could drive, which was what we needed. So yay! Can't wait to come back with the verdict of the trip!

After dinner, Dine myself Jas and her cousin popped over to Crown for Inglourious Basterds. Good movie. :) And of cos, nothing short of what you would expect from Quentin Tarantino. Ahhh, today was a good day. :)

My karma for having dated and hurt a 'weaker child' was probably to have dated a chronic liar after him. And to have had people talk about my personal life like it was gossip on Teen magazine. And to have had some of those people look at me in a different light from then on.

This happened ages ago, but it's one of those things I'm not proud to have done. I'm not trying to find excuses, but people make mistakes. And sometimes we do horrible things. I've tried to right this wrong. I've made peace with the 'weaker child'.

Thanks to those who see that 'we all do horrible things sometimes', and still acknowledge me as a person, a friend. But to those who don't, I'm sorry that I'll always be guilty in your eyes. And I'm sorry that you don't know that I've always seen u as a person, a friend, even after having heard horrible things about u.

I promise I will never again leave all the work till Monday evening. Especially since my week starts on Tuesdays.

Oh hoorah. 1 more week of uni then ultimate freedom! For a week. Ok, fine. NOT ultimate freedom. In fact, quite constrained. And loaded with stupid graded reading log-like essays. And stupid formulate-your-own-question research papers. 1 week of utter unguided hell. :( Yes, even hell needs direction. Whole point why schools exist in the first place.

I learnt today that the cafe in my uni sells plastic bowls of fruits which just happen to be absolutely delish. I bought a very colourful bowl today and it kept me fueled until Dine came and joined me in the underground room I was practicing my ritual in. Micro-managing & micro-editing to the max. I wish I didn't care so much sometimes, so I'd stop spending the same amount of time on 1 assignment people spend completing 2. I reckon even 3 sometimes. Ok, the 3 class really just doesn't care at all. Either that or I'm just beyond slow. Or beyond perfectionism. Heh heh heh.

I'm typing this entry in a semi trance-state. Fatigue trance. You should try it out too. Feels semi like a green high. :) Maybe I'll see stars in my room tonight.

OH MI LORD. I STILL HAVE WORK TO DO. SAVE ME.

Ah ha! You skeptics and unbelievers! I got up on time today and made it to lecture at 11.30am despite a meagre 3 hour (or less) kip. I sometimes give myself quite pleasant surprises. :) It's, er, 3am now. I've had tea and coffee today. At different times, but I'm hoping the renown ying yang drink effect will make its way to me. Eventually.

I promised my groupmates I'd have my part for the assignment up on FB (such evolution, from snail mail, to e-mail, to FB!) tonight. It's still tonight to me, even though it's really the next morning. But really, not like they're anxiously camping in front of their computers and refreshing FB every 5 seconds. So, who cares. Due in week 6 anyway. They'll see it when they wake up. Speaking of which, after completing this 300 word comprehensive essay about the body as a communication technology (which is just wasting my precious time and valuable mental energy), I have a reading log to do. Think that might have to wait till tmr morning. Of which I'd wake in time to finish and even arrive punctually for my 11.30am tute.

I'm quite thoroughly enjoying my current reading that has to be incepted in order to answer the baffling query of the body as a communication technology. It's about deafness and the conception and understanding of everything the universe contains without the acquisition of a spoken language. This is of cos only for the congenitally deaf. It's super intriguing (but I took a mini break and now I can't get the momentum back thus the blogpost) and so, out of thought? For lack of a better way to describe it. It's so unimaginable. I think it truly enlightens you on the much neglected essentiality of a comprehensible speech and the written words that go along with it in order to discern everything else in the universe (and even out of it). So what happens when that very fundamental knowledge is absent? With no intervention of actual sound, in what alien argot do they communicate and conceptualise?

Good, the more I type abt it the more eager I get to go back to my readings.