Reminiscing my days at Zouk. I miss Zouk. :( It's Friday night now and I'm suppose to be fretting and giving every penny of my attention to writing my article that's due on Monday, but I keep wandering into my pictures folder and scrolling through pictures taken in Zouk. I miss Zouk. :( Well, I hope your enjoyed that deluge of narcissistic, self-gratifying, random, messy pictures. Think some of them've never been released on the web before.

Oh, and 1 other thing. I MISS MY LONG LONG HAIR TOO.

Shot's got a bit too much headroom, but hey, first ever moment captured with me handling an SLR. Haha. Pretty pretty camera.

So the semester's coming to a close. And I'm suppose to be freaking out and burying my head in mountains of books and spending hours on end in radio editing suites. But, I'm not. Infact, I spend my time watching videos on youtube about children who are prematurely born/born with disabilities/born with defects. Yes, seems like I have a tad too much time on my hands. But I think this random spurge of youtube surfing made me re-realise how we really don't have problems. Problems that we tend to dramatise and blow out of proportion, that we waste enormous amounts of time brooding and moping over. Honestly, what's our "hard time" compared to people who actually, literally have to suffer and not in a poetic manner. I know babies, when they get older, may not remember the pain they went through, but that's if they even get through it. And it just wrenches the heart when you see a complicated maze of tubes running in and out this tiny human being. It's impossible to even begin to imagine how much he/she is struggling.

Having watched all those videos made me sad. Made me feel. Something I haven't done in a while. I recognise that "feeling" consists of more than just being sad/emo, but I find that that's the only emotion that tells me my heart is where it should be. And I discovered just today (at least for now), that I don't want to feel love. I'm afraid of love. Because this 4 letter emotion comes with too much beauty and happiness that is at the same time tied to a possibility of a massive heartbreak that I don't think any part of me can ever weather again.

This may be in the heat of the moment, but I'm really considering volunteering at a children's hospital. Maybe not here, but when I go back for holidays. Since it's too short to do anything full time, and I'm not gonna allow some agency to exploit me at intern pay, I should do smth that gives back.

Friends, please restrain from berating me about this/tell me how I'm never gonna get down to volunteering. You know how I like to just steep in sad waters once in a while/then you don't know me all that well if you don't know I ever thought of going into humanitarian.

How did this post end up on such a note!?

Ok! Completely wet blanket-ish, but time for ice cream and maybe some research before bed.

A couple from the roadtrip. Played around with photoshop for a bit. Something I remember to tremendously enjoy doing not so long ago. I wonder where all that passion died to. With all the work piling up, and so many of my closest friends so far away, I can't help but feel so... sian.

I skipped lecture this morning. Not a good thing, but I honestly can't give a rats ass about this unit anymore. I went for Graphic Design's lab in the arvo, and that has to be my most favourite mod for the time being/this sem. Hopefully this unit'll make my grade sheet look good.

Well, time to bury my head in news articles. What a pain.

Go curls? I finally (sorta) had some free time. So I figured since I'm gonna chop my locks at 4pm tmr, I shld do smth to it now, so I don't miss it too much when it's gone.

Ok fine. I'm talking like I'm gonna go boy-short again. I'm not. It's just gonna be.. shorter. I actually don't think anyone's gonna see a difference when I walk outta the salon tmr. Or mayb I'll walk out with curly hair. :)

Birthday. Roadtrip. Family. Friends. Assignments. I haven't caught up on sleep yet. I haven't gotten around organising the photos from the roadtrip yet. Oh, and guess what. In the next month, I have 6 major assignments due. 20%, 15% (ok, not exactly major this one, but a lot of effort required because this requires Illustrator skills and mine are rusty as hell), 30%, 20%, 45%, 30%. Respectively due. SIGH, ok. BIG FAT FUCKING SIGH.

Can't wait for Winter Break. Not really the Winter part though. Seeing how I'm still coat deficient. Seriously need to get my hands on them eskimo jackets. But wait. Shop? TIME?!!!?? NO TIME.

Many many angst. :( Maybe also because I just thought to myself today in class, what a spinster I'd grow old to be.