Something I got off a friend's page:

When you know it in your heart thats what you are meant to do, pursue it relentlessly. and what needs to happen now is to be given the right opportunities, a little luck and the chance to shine.

I miss being driven and wanting something so bad that nothing else will do. I think I let my ambitions die because reality made it seem unrealistic and unattainable. But I know now that it can be. It could be. It may take me years, but I still want to get there. And when I do, I will know for sure that dreams can come true. BBC radio, I'm gonna get you.

I don't think I've ever been this jaded. I haven't felt happy for what feels like a thousand years. Can't remember what being happy feels like.

I've been having one of those dreams where everything you touch seems to be massively bigger than you are. But you're the same size and whatever you touch is actually in proportion to you. But as you touch this seemingly normal sized slice of meat / piece of bread / lollipop, it all of a sudden morphs into something giant sized and all effort in trying to move the thing ends in futility.

What a dream. Way to make a person feel small.

And once again, paranoia plagues me. This space isn't safe anymore. But then again, when was it ever?

Don't you think it's time to apologise? Most definitely not, because you go ahead doing everything guilt-free and with no remorse. But what did I expect from you? Honestly, I don't know either. But I know I've never asked you for anything.

I'm trying to get to the root of my problem.

Maybe yoga and pilates will help.

Thank you for being by me while I puked my guts all over the toilet bowl. For sacrificing your beloved sleep to be by my side. For going out early in the morning and getting me Gatorade. For making the appointment and going to the clinic with me. For settling the medication and the bill while I sat in a corner willing myself to feel better. For going back out again to buy pain meds. For taking me to the hospital. For registering and waiting with me at emergency and trauma. For being in the room with me the entire time. For bringing me home and putting me into bed. For making sure I felt better. For loving me. Thank you.

The hospital was an experience. Getting food poisoning here isn't the same as it is in Singapore. Even though it's the mildest I've ever gotten, the measures that were taken just to get better were astronomically more than what I usually get in Singapore. In Singapore, a jab or a pill up the anal cavity and an 8 hour nap was all I usually needed, but here, omg. After a futile visit to the clinic and 2 courses of their useless meds later, I went to the hospital only to wait another 2 hours in pain before they finally gave me a bed. This was after a whole night of alternating between my bed and the bit of floor in front of my toilet bowl.

I stayed approximately 5 hours in the hospital and even after I was discharged I wasn't completely well. Stomach still felt sore and I still couldn't sleep for more than an hour straight when I got home. Only after some hot lotus root soup (courtesy of Kenny) was I able to fall asleep proper.

Speaking of which, the drama with food poisoning and the hospital made me realise how blessed I am. Despite recently having had a friendship ending in a debacle (and me reacting to it like it was the end of the world and made me consider moving my life to a different place on the globe), the being in the hospital business showed that I was surrounded with people who care. Ys's phone barely stopped ringing and mine was going off every half an hour or so with very concerned friends checking up on my condition. I cannot express enough how thankful I am for each and every one of you. For all the BBMs, texts, calls, twitter msges. From all of you whether in Melbourne or Singapore. Thank you a million times and a million times over.

It's a lot colder out here in Doncaster. I think I miss Melbourne so much more tonight because I know what mayhem wrecks the city, marking the start of the Easter break, and I bleed to be part of the havoc. The mad (like, literally) people prowling the streets don't seem so scary right now, compared to the quiet of the subs. Tonight, I do not seek solitude. :(

I hope the next 4 days make up for tonight! I guess the thought of staying in the Marriott when I'm in Sydney's sort of comforting.

Anyway, tonight was The Fray @ Festival Hall. They were awesome!! Dine and I went absolutely ballistic when the lead singer got off the stage to meet the fans in the standing area during their last song (before their encore set of 3 songs). But I have to be honest, I didn't walk into the concert hall with very high expectations. I always thought The Fray were a little too boy band-ish and too commercial even when their songs are not particularly mindfuckingblowing. I guess they really proved me wrong! Shame on me for even thinking that cause they were incredible! The lead was really involved with the crowd and his stamina was fantastic, and even though he was losing his voice during the encore set, he still managed 3 songs and he was more than happy to do it! New found respect for The Fray. :)

Next up, John Mayer in May. I have a feeling I will cry uncontrollably when I see him walk out onto stage. Gonna prepare tissue packets.